Uncertainty all over again.

I can't wait for uncertainty. I never know what is our relationship. At some point I feel that you try to avoid me. At some point, you still here.

At some point that I think you feel sorry for me.

If that is the case. I am sorry. I guess I am all alone before, and even lonelier now.

I can't blame you for not wanting me the same I do want you. That is just my luck in life, to be left alone without getting love from the one that I love.

It is not about me angry or whatever it is. But I did think alot lately, if this life is so unfair to me. I can't blame anyone for not loving me as I love them. It is my fault to have lied to myself all this time and believe that one day, the right guy will finally come.

Maybe love is never exist for me. Maybe love is not meant for me. Maybe I suppose to be alone all my life.

I wish I could have the right person, so that I should stop waiting and searching for the lost love that I have waited for so long.

I never see it coming, perhaps it is really just me that don't deserve any happiness in this lifetime. It can't be anybody's fault, but it is mine.

Looks like it will be just me being alone and forever alone.

I thought that the poem describe the reality of love, but it is never actually happens because it said:---->

"If you love someone, let them be free.
If you care for someone, let them be free.

If that someone come back to you, he is yours.
So, I did let it be free. Hoping it will come back and actually be mine.

If you love, let it be free and it will coming back"

<----- I guess, I never will see if that love is actually come back to me.

No matter how much I love you, I am just not good enough.

I am not giving up, but It does make me thinking dearly.

I can't afford this pain. It is a pleasure to have you, but it is too much pain for not knowing how you actually feel.

Even if i know how you feel, i probably do not want to believe it because it is too painful to know that you don't feel the same for me.

If it is a revenge of my previous mistake, God please forgive me. But please don't take away this love because I will feel so empty without it.

Should I wait more?

Admit it when you found love.

Don't be afraid to admit love if you found one. Don't take it for granted when someone love you, you should love him back. If you do not show him or tell him how you feel, he may not be around forever to wait for something that is unsure.

Most of time, you only want things that you yet to get and most of time you neglected the one that you already have. You just don't realized it until your regrets is too late.

If you found love, treasure him and love him back. As you will not know when that he could be taken from you. Maybe it is sooner than you thought it should.

Put away your greed, lust, unfulfillable demands, because all these will blinds you. Once you had cleared your mind and finally understood your feeling for him, perhaps it is still not too late. Meanwhile, feel it, taste it, and do it as you want.

But always be reminded that he will not wait further without something to hold on to. That is suppose to be you.

Happy 2011... yey yey

Finally, life is more pleasant when you are taken......

In the beginning of 2011, fresh start for everything. I found love, life and being where I really expects myself to be.

My lovely baby is finally mine.... and only mine.... gosh, this feel so good.

2010 is history. Even it ends with a shocking worry that maybe something I don't need at the moment, but life is always about balances. Once you get what you want, you have to put another at rest. Not KIV it, but being capable to let go of the past. However, its all ok for me. I have what I need to survive. What's lost is lost, what's past is past.

Naive as it sound, but everybody need love. That's what matter most. Regardless how hard life will be, and how much it will challenge you facing the day to come. Still deep down you feel happy as long you know you are not alone.

At least that is how I feel about 2011. The change finally favoring me in the end. If this life has become shorten, I would not regret it. I felt it right on time.

The date of 1/1/11 (1111) is the number I would remember always.
(It will be the day you and me)

The 2/1/11 is an additional assurance that I am officially happy.
(The day you said something so beautiful)

The 4/1/11 is another day of loving moment.
(The day you make up for the whole year of 2010 that I thought I have lost, You make me remember and feel blessed that you feel the same way)

From now on, living life the fullest is just the beginning.... because I love you.....

2011 is the year of success, love, happiness, fun and forward......

Excited, Sad and the Happy

I couldn't hold myself with mixed up emotion and confuse with what I really want.

Again today that J have broke my heart and get me almost to tears. I knew it is the same game all over again.

It was plain and simple... All I asked was to know if he is coming over to spend sometimes with me before I go for vacation. Which will be quite a long time. I would want to know if he ever will miss me if being away for that long time. Obviously, he do not have the same thought. I hated it when everything turns into game and laugh. Was it not serious enough when I said it is, was it not childish enough when I really need to be pamper? Neither of serious or childish is your preference. It get me confuse with your intention. What you want from me, what you expects from me?

I don't want to loose another opportunity just waiting for you not to tell me the real thing.

I am Tired.

Just in time for a great cure. That's when M that is always think of me even from a very far distance. He always asking me how am I doing even tho it was just short few words. It is totally different compared to J.

There came M at the same time chatting with me via YM. It is probably blessing in disguise that M immediately cure my broken heart with his sweet talk as usual. He just know how to say it right.

Its hard to know if everything is true as it may seems, or maybe it is the opposite I do not know.

At the other hand, J is all the opposite of M. J never say anything that make me feel good. There come M, he always said something that make me smile. Even tho M is not as special as J, but he did put efforts to make me feel better. (this is so denying truth to myself). Whatever it may be, J will never give me a clear answer. But M have just did express the words that I always want to hear.

Whether I really want M, I do. But I want J more than anything. But in the end, will it be too late to feel happy with either one of them? I am not excited to know, because neither will really give me everything that I need. Somehow, J always make me confuse. What do you really mean that you want me to be around and yet you do not want me?

Tell me the truth so I do not need to go around the bushes and searching everywhere to pick up all the puzzle you put up on the ground. Neither M too, how I wish I knew you earlier. How I wish you are closer to me. I would want to know how it become with you, M. I would want to know if you can defeat this heart and surrender to you entirely. To grab my spirit with love and pamper me like a child..... which I will never get from J.

*sorry the storyline went everywhere, that is as much showed my mixed up emotion*

Again and again and again all over again, I always love you.

"It take a courage to act, and it took whole heartache when I said this. I ♥ you, but I have to leave you. You'll be much better off without me. Just know that, somewhere, somehow and whenever you are, I always have and always will ♥-ing you......again and again and again all over again... no matter what I do to deny it...."

Finally I have the courage to make this clear for both of us. Before it killing us both, perhaps it is the best choice I have for us. Perhaps this is what you need as well... take it and keep it while we still can hold on to our sweetest memories...

If I could change anything, that would be my heart for you. I wish you would know how much I falls for you. To deny it anymore, I could not promise you. I know you wouldn't be able to feel the same toward me, but neither do I can't lie about how much I love you since the first time I met you.

Miracle Drink - for Cancer patient

This MIRACLE DRINK has been circulating for a long time long long ago. It is worth your while to take note. There is a celebrity Mr. Seto who swears by it. He wants to make it public to draw the attention of people who have cancers. This is a drink that can protect bad cells forming in your body or it will restrain its growth! Mr. Seto had lung cancer. He was recommended to take this drink by a famous Herbalist from China . He has taken this drink diligently for 3 months and now his health is restored, and he is ready to take a pleasure trip. Thanks to this drink! It does not hurt for you to try.

It is like a Miracle Drink! It is simple. You need one potato, one carrot and one apple that combine together to make the JUICE ! Wash the above,cut with the skin on into pieces and put them into the juicer and immediately you drink the juice. You can add some lime or lemon for more refreshing taste.

This Miracle Drink will be effective for the following ailments:

1. Prevent cancer cells to develop. It will restrain cancer cells to grow.

2. Prevent liver, kidney and pancreas decease and it can cure ulcer as well.

3. Strengthen the lung, prevent heart attack and high blood pressure.

4. Strengthen the immune system

5. Good for the eyesight, eliminate red and tired eyes or dry eyes

6. Help to eliminate pain from physical training, muscle ache

7. Detoxify, assist bowel movement, eliminate constipation. Therefore it will make skin healthy & LOOK more radiant. It is God sent for acne problem.

8. Improve bad breath due to indigestion, throat infection,

9. Lessen menstrual pain

10. Assist Hay Fever Sufferer from Hay Fever attack.



There is absolutely no side effect. Highly nutritious and easily absorbs! Very effective if you need to loose weight. You will notice your immune system will be improved after 2 week routine.



Please make sure to drink immediately from the juicer for best effect.



WHEN TO DRINK IT; DRINK IT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING WITH THE EMPTY STOMACH! AFTER ONE HOUR YOU CAN EAT BREAKFAST.

FOR FAST RESULTS DRINK 2 TIMES A DAY, IN THE MORNING AND BEFORE 5 P.M. YOU WILL NEVER REGRET! IT DOES NOT COST YOU MUCH MONEY!

PLEASE CIRCULATE TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

I am not a homophobe as alleged!!!

" Please put this on your status if you know or love someone who is gay. My wishes that people will understand that being gay is neither a disease nor a choice - people who are gay are not looking for a cure, but for acceptance and equal rights. 93% won't copy and paste this. Will you ...make it your status for at least ...one hour? I will ...for sure! ♥♥♥ "

-- posted by A loving family member for their love ones (a gay: son/daughter/uncle/aunt/cousin/nephew/niece)

Aren't such words very comforting to hear it from your love ones?...

But, does it fair enough for a gay to hurts their love ones?

Nobody would want such pain in this life. Somehow, it is very sad in some point. Neither they can change it even if they wish a million times. No shame for who your are, being gay is depressive enough to be ashamed.

Doesn't matter if the world is scrutinise a person for being gay, as long his/her family accepted the way he/she is. These words will mean the world to them.

Sad as it is may, but its not a choice to make. Suffering as it is very painful, but its not a disease to cure. At least with loves of love ones will ease the pain of battling their unnatural existence.

They are no different from the rest of us. They seeks the same love that we seeks. They have the same responsibilities just like us. They even share the same bloodline that came from same root. But what went wrong wasn't their faults. Nor hypocrisy can change how they really feel inside. Just the way you and I feels. They would feel the same. They are not such defects that can be repair. They are not a freak simply because of their nature. Just they are different in preferences.

The bottom line is acceptance for who they are, not a judgment from us. Everyone deserve an equal love. World would be better without individual judgments. Let He who created us to have the final say. When its time, He will judge, but not us to mark these fellow beings.

Love is always the best gift you could share with everyone.