Excited, Sad and the Happy

I couldn't hold myself with mixed up emotion and confuse with what I really want.

Again today that J have broke my heart and get me almost to tears. I knew it is the same game all over again.

It was plain and simple... All I asked was to know if he is coming over to spend sometimes with me before I go for vacation. Which will be quite a long time. I would want to know if he ever will miss me if being away for that long time. Obviously, he do not have the same thought. I hated it when everything turns into game and laugh. Was it not serious enough when I said it is, was it not childish enough when I really need to be pamper? Neither of serious or childish is your preference. It get me confuse with your intention. What you want from me, what you expects from me?

I don't want to loose another opportunity just waiting for you not to tell me the real thing.

I am Tired.

Just in time for a great cure. That's when M that is always think of me even from a very far distance. He always asking me how am I doing even tho it was just short few words. It is totally different compared to J.

There came M at the same time chatting with me via YM. It is probably blessing in disguise that M immediately cure my broken heart with his sweet talk as usual. He just know how to say it right.

Its hard to know if everything is true as it may seems, or maybe it is the opposite I do not know.

At the other hand, J is all the opposite of M. J never say anything that make me feel good. There come M, he always said something that make me smile. Even tho M is not as special as J, but he did put efforts to make me feel better. (this is so denying truth to myself). Whatever it may be, J will never give me a clear answer. But M have just did express the words that I always want to hear.

Whether I really want M, I do. But I want J more than anything. But in the end, will it be too late to feel happy with either one of them? I am not excited to know, because neither will really give me everything that I need. Somehow, J always make me confuse. What do you really mean that you want me to be around and yet you do not want me?

Tell me the truth so I do not need to go around the bushes and searching everywhere to pick up all the puzzle you put up on the ground. Neither M too, how I wish I knew you earlier. How I wish you are closer to me. I would want to know how it become with you, M. I would want to know if you can defeat this heart and surrender to you entirely. To grab my spirit with love and pamper me like a child..... which I will never get from J.

*sorry the storyline went everywhere, that is as much showed my mixed up emotion*

Again and again and again all over again, I always love you.

"It take a courage to act, and it took whole heartache when I said this. I ♥ you, but I have to leave you. You'll be much better off without me. Just know that, somewhere, somehow and whenever you are, I always have and always will ♥-ing you......again and again and again all over again... no matter what I do to deny it...."

Finally I have the courage to make this clear for both of us. Before it killing us both, perhaps it is the best choice I have for us. Perhaps this is what you need as well... take it and keep it while we still can hold on to our sweetest memories...

If I could change anything, that would be my heart for you. I wish you would know how much I falls for you. To deny it anymore, I could not promise you. I know you wouldn't be able to feel the same toward me, but neither do I can't lie about how much I love you since the first time I met you.

Miracle Drink - for Cancer patient

This MIRACLE DRINK has been circulating for a long time long long ago. It is worth your while to take note. There is a celebrity Mr. Seto who swears by it. He wants to make it public to draw the attention of people who have cancers. This is a drink that can protect bad cells forming in your body or it will restrain its growth! Mr. Seto had lung cancer. He was recommended to take this drink by a famous Herbalist from China . He has taken this drink diligently for 3 months and now his health is restored, and he is ready to take a pleasure trip. Thanks to this drink! It does not hurt for you to try.

It is like a Miracle Drink! It is simple. You need one potato, one carrot and one apple that combine together to make the JUICE ! Wash the above,cut with the skin on into pieces and put them into the juicer and immediately you drink the juice. You can add some lime or lemon for more refreshing taste.

This Miracle Drink will be effective for the following ailments:

1. Prevent cancer cells to develop. It will restrain cancer cells to grow.

2. Prevent liver, kidney and pancreas decease and it can cure ulcer as well.

3. Strengthen the lung, prevent heart attack and high blood pressure.

4. Strengthen the immune system

5. Good for the eyesight, eliminate red and tired eyes or dry eyes

6. Help to eliminate pain from physical training, muscle ache

7. Detoxify, assist bowel movement, eliminate constipation. Therefore it will make skin healthy & LOOK more radiant. It is God sent for acne problem.

8. Improve bad breath due to indigestion, throat infection,

9. Lessen menstrual pain

10. Assist Hay Fever Sufferer from Hay Fever attack.



There is absolutely no side effect. Highly nutritious and easily absorbs! Very effective if you need to loose weight. You will notice your immune system will be improved after 2 week routine.



Please make sure to drink immediately from the juicer for best effect.



WHEN TO DRINK IT; DRINK IT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING WITH THE EMPTY STOMACH! AFTER ONE HOUR YOU CAN EAT BREAKFAST.

FOR FAST RESULTS DRINK 2 TIMES A DAY, IN THE MORNING AND BEFORE 5 P.M. YOU WILL NEVER REGRET! IT DOES NOT COST YOU MUCH MONEY!

PLEASE CIRCULATE TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

I am not a homophobe as alleged!!!

" Please put this on your status if you know or love someone who is gay. My wishes that people will understand that being gay is neither a disease nor a choice - people who are gay are not looking for a cure, but for acceptance and equal rights. 93% won't copy and paste this. Will you ...make it your status for at least ...one hour? I will ...for sure! ♥♥♥ "

-- posted by A loving family member for their love ones (a gay: son/daughter/uncle/aunt/cousin/nephew/niece)

Aren't such words very comforting to hear it from your love ones?...

But, does it fair enough for a gay to hurts their love ones?

Nobody would want such pain in this life. Somehow, it is very sad in some point. Neither they can change it even if they wish a million times. No shame for who your are, being gay is depressive enough to be ashamed.

Doesn't matter if the world is scrutinise a person for being gay, as long his/her family accepted the way he/she is. These words will mean the world to them.

Sad as it is may, but its not a choice to make. Suffering as it is very painful, but its not a disease to cure. At least with loves of love ones will ease the pain of battling their unnatural existence.

They are no different from the rest of us. They seeks the same love that we seeks. They have the same responsibilities just like us. They even share the same bloodline that came from same root. But what went wrong wasn't their faults. Nor hypocrisy can change how they really feel inside. Just the way you and I feels. They would feel the same. They are not such defects that can be repair. They are not a freak simply because of their nature. Just they are different in preferences.

The bottom line is acceptance for who they are, not a judgment from us. Everyone deserve an equal love. World would be better without individual judgments. Let He who created us to have the final say. When its time, He will judge, but not us to mark these fellow beings.

Love is always the best gift you could share with everyone.

9 / 11: The Homeworks.

It has been sometimes I have not feel so well treated by anyone. It is has been a while that I couldn't remember when was the last time I felt so special the way I feel yesterday.

A very new friend that I know for less than 5 hours, name Malik. Such wonderful, such a decent, educated and well manner young man.

We started our conversation about doing homework. Then it went on and on. We decided to meet each other.

From the first impression, this maybe act of desperation, but it wasn't. I called it destiny.

I'm glad to know him, and I will never forget the day as it is also marked as 9/11.

Malik will travel to UK on Tuesday 14/9/2010... I will definitely miss him.

p/s: I guess it is inappropriate for me to add his photo here... let it be in just my mind...

Live Jasmine

http://creatives.livejasmin.com/freechat/x/xt/xtube/gay/index.php?performerid=reallyhuge

Nice personality, sweet charming and sexy. Very good temperament, treat people well. Enjoying just looking at his smiley face, feel serenity. Guessing how great a guy can be by just looking at his far.

http://creatives.livejasmin.com/freechat/x/xt/xtube/gay/index.php?performerid=HornyJerry

Is a hot sensation, not much of attraction. Just like the way he bring himself and really casual look. Somehow, "rellyhuge" is unbeatable... Hornyjerry is still the second or perhaps way under rank.

http://creatives.livejasmin.com/freechat/x/xt/xtube/gay/index.php?performerid=youngSOCCER

as for this guy, he just have his nice sexy looks and great body. Didn't find great quality, just ordinary hot guys around the globe. Yeah still I prefer the real entertainer like "Reallyhuge" the #1.

What next?

This life is full of surprise. Sometimes it is unpleasant to wait for all the surprise to come on our way. No choice, but life must go on.

I'm pretty well prepared this time round. Whatever comes, I must stand still and face it to the end. It is biggest challenge so far. To stay put and wait for unknown. This is bigger than any responsibilities I have before. Whether it is positive or negative, I will have to stand still. Sets my foundation strong. There might be storm coming on the way, or there maybe a bright shining star lighting the way.

I have been waiting for the right moment almost the 3rd month now. What to loose, perhaps it is just another life experiences that is new for me. Nothing comes easy if we never know how to deal with our 1st failure. The best thing is not to fail, but that doesn't give us best lesson in life.

I have gone through so many obstacles in life, yet it is not enough. The more it come, the better person I becoming. More it challenge, more exciting experiences to tell. Sometimes it almost break me, but I am not broken, yet it make me stronger and wiser every time. To wish for the hardest moment, I will not do, but if it come then I have to face it.... sound scary enough but that is life. never run away from problem because it will just make us live in denial. But some people, they do prefer to deny rather than face reality. I can't understand them. But that is their choice to make.

To talk about what is next in life, I probably lacking of experience to tell. But for those who willing to share some knowledge, you are most welcome to debate it. Whether I will listen or counter with argument is another question. It is plain and simple, if I found it is solid points then there shall no argument and otherwise. I am open for any advice or direction. As an elder ever told me, always listen to others proposal and evaluate it. You will get a better solution if you may find way to implement those combination ideas.

Just two days ago, an ex-best friend (at least that is what I thought of him now), request friend approval in my facebook (previously removed me from his list). I keep on wonder what is he doing? But I knew it all along, he is up to something. There is one thing that come up in my mind, that he want to show off something to me. I took quite few hours to think of either to accept or refuse. Finally I accepted because I am ready to put aside my pride and at least trying to save what is left for our friendship. Once I able to view his status, it is obviously I am right. He proudly shout in his facebook status about something that he is expecting very soon.. but I am not quite sure of what it is. Well, in my mind, it is none of my concern anymore. I still feel the anger and heat burning inside of me. I realised that I am still angry of being treated as a 2nd class choice of friend while I treated him as my first class friend. Whatever he is up to, I shall not be affected. I had it enough already. I am not a hypocrite and I shall not be hypocrite simply because he can't accept his wrong and prefer to push blame on others. Well sounds like I do the same. Perhaps I should not say so much, otherwise I will be just the same. Therefore, the conclusion is "see and do nothing", react no more to his games.

What is next in life is always surprising, but sometimes experiences do let us predict and understand how things work in this world. With knowledge of previous failure, we shall know how to avoid the next challenge or obstacle in front.